Nadolig

Christmas passed, the tree and pumpkin are gone, and the tinsel has been burned as tradition claims. I got everything I wished, not asked for, and more. I love the family I have, the friends that surround me, and all the good fortune that fate's brought me. Plus, I'm glad to say that I did get a few genuine cheery feelings. Rudolph, the Grinch and Frosty are therapeutic classics. Lala, living vicariously through cartoons, lala. I guess as I've read more and gotten older, that's as deep as beliefs and customs come for this holiday. Ho hum. It's bittersweet to report that a lot of things were different come this time, and I'm mega glad they were. Oh, 2010, how you've shifted things. But on a side note, I will definitely have fun with my piccolo, Lydia. Heheeh.

No pictures, though. Of course, the day after Christmas when they were all edited and uploaded, my computer broke. Taking the pictures with it. I have a new one now, (obv) but 'new' is the key word. Yeah.

Happy Holidays to all, (Even though I'm embarrassingly late. Work in progress)

Cheer

It's creeping closer. Only a few days left at this point. The weather has risen, leaving the Christmas spirit dwindling even further. Last night's light show and aimless wandering really brought on the cheer, though. It stayed, and is always there. Which I suppose is all anyone can ask for. I'll always yearn for more, and youth's merriments aren't forever.

Wiregrass and Valdosta

My weekend/first half week of holiday break was fabulous. Most ideally being yesterday and last night. An out-of-town friend came in town and was able to hang out with me for a while. It was great. Sadly, those pictures were saved as NEF's instead of JPG's... way to go me. But the remaining I do have are from my other friend's birthday night walk around. It was at this giant outdoor mall. There was a light show, food and jokes. Great time, really. So here's a bombardment of pictures. Cool.

Honey

photo from tumblr

Every fiber in my being has turned tin. Something in the air is ashed and worn. It's quickly infecting. Growing, and thriving off of other diseases. I don't know how much more of it I can take, in all honesty. Tomorrow is a day, and a new one. While it ought to be one already thrown into the abyss of the past, the future awaits it with naive arms. The thrust of the foolish fall won't break it, though. Once it's gone, it won't be permanent. It hasn't ever turned that way before, and there isn't a reason that it would now. It seems that a sort of acetaminophen could help transfer pain elsewhere, but it's utility only reaches so far. To think that it hasn't been more than a few weeks is incredulous. I only wish that things could be different, but by chance, those are things that would't ever change in the first place. Seeing that I am ill to be satisfied, I leave this monster in hopes that it too will flourish as it needs after I have torn it like the vindictive creature I've become.

Marching band

Fourth of June, 2010, I auditioned to be a marching panther. Not making the cut, I was disappointed, but not traumatised. Around August, our band camp began. It was nothing but music, laughs and running shorts. Then school came, where for the first game, I was a stands-only flute. A bit into the year, a spot was open for marching, so I took it. Between the brutal Tuesday 4-7 practises, Thursday 5-8 practises, occasional Wednesday 1-5 practises, Friday 7.30am- 11.30pm school/game days, and Saturday anytime-anytime competitions, I had the absolute time of my life. I met new people, made some new friends, and became more acquainted with my lovely Geri. I learned new things about her, new things about what I could do, and new things concerning what those around me could do. Everything was sweaty, philharmonic, awkward, eye-opening, and magical. While the season may be over, the music, the show, and the year will always remain under my fingers, beneath my feet, and in my heart. This shouldn't be as heart-felt as it is, (I'll be doing this until my graduating year) but this really was an terrific first season filled with amazing people and a great show. I can't say I didn't come out of this completely unharmed- I did. But I'm working on it, and it will change... again. While suffering through post-band depression, I'll study up on my notes and scales, practise my backwards slides, and perhaps the speed at which I fasten a ponytail.

-photo by J. Friedman-

-photo by D. Berezowski-

-photo by J. Friedman-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFRr4w027ZI
Half time show 1. 10. 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMS_DjYMsHc
Tarpon Springs competition 16. 10. 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQzPoq78ezA
East Lake competition 23. 10. 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqYQhFQKmIg
Fall Concert of 'Epic' 28. 10. 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6WrlraP3Yo
Gaither competition 13. 11. 2010

A week, and it's all downhill

So. We had our Tampa rivalry game with Robinson High on Friday night. We won and performed our 'Epic' show. It was my first time doing the new closer in front of a huge number of people. It was nothing short of terrible, because for the first two minutes when everyone was getting set, I couldn't find my spot. People yelling at me back and forth about where to go and what to do, the whole stands watching me. Pretty much the most embarrassing moment of my entire year. When I finally got to it, I messed up two visuals and was a bit late on the phantom kick. It was awful. After some hugs and consolation, I was back up on my feet and ready for Saturday's FBA. Though FBA is based strictly on musical talent, not marching talent, I think we did really well! We landed a superior which is fabulous, and will hopefully do just as well next weekend when the season ends. That will certainly be a long post.
Relationships are rocky, it seems. Many things are going askew and turning in directions with no clarity. I'm not certain to where they're going, but I am certain that it won't be anywhere too good. I just want everything to work out in one way or another... especially considering the short amount of time that's been spent already.
November, why haven't you been so great?

Homecoming: Round II

As a friend of mine once said, "Yes, I managed to be semi-formal, too... I danced and had a great time with lots of cool people... laughed, talked, and forgot to eat... It was worth the 40 bucks." Really can't say it any better than that. Compared to the disaster that was last year, this year's homecoming was fantastic. I spent it with great people, was exposed to new feelings, dances, music, and fancy fruit dip. Only thing missing was my camera. Poo.
Pretty much a great night.

- Quote by Kaisa R. http://readmymind-95.blogspot.com/ -
P.S, I miss you girly! Hope you're doing very well :)

It's gonna get messy

A large pep rally, given to us by dancing employees, dolled-up students, and a helpful administration, was what occupied my evening tonight. We call it 'Panther Prowl'. Where silly skits and performances are presented to the uninvolved students awaiting in the bleachers (myself included). They all did fabulously, and while coupled with some mistakes, the added triumphs of pure spontaneity made it completely worthwhile. I wish I had been a tad more participatory in my club's performance, but marching always seems to get in the way of things. I spent the night with good friends, and got acquainted with new ones as well. It seemed that chiclets, milkshakes and hands touching hands ended Panther Prowl on November the third, two-thousand and ten.

Pwmpen

I've finally gotten my lovely Penrod and Midge. Two pumpkins, for the wondering. Every year it is customary to grab two of the misfit pumpkins from the crusty lot, take them home, and name them Penrod and Midge. Penrod tends to be the larger one we carve and later eat, while Midge it the tiny portable one. I don't take her places, but she's nice to organise around the room. Halloween make-up was bought Monday, with only the absence of white eyeliner. I'm certain the grocer has it, must've eluded me like most things do on Mondays. A red lip, smoky black eye and teased hair is the look that will accompany my skeletal figure. Oh the irony is delicious. That was all early this week, though. Yesterday I was allowed to enjoy a mental health day and prepare for the following weekend of Homecoming. We bought a dress, some shoes and some earrings. Later finding ourselves at a salad diner, we discussed many things mother and daughter ought. Things we needed to discuss, and things that maybe should have stayed in our closed mouths. But we haven't really had chances to talk-talk like we used to, where the chances were plentiful and overwhelming. I like it better this way, though.
I'm liking a lot of things this way.

East Lake

Our competition Saturday was great! To make block we needed an 83, but instead we made an 82. Last week it was an 81 and we made an 80.9. The judges have something against us, I know it. But we landed first place in 4A, which is pretty fabulous. Even though there was only one other band we were up against, looking hopeful is the least we can do. The next two weeks are completely free due to Homecoming and just a well-known and well-deserved break. Practise from today just involved some visuals to help us get to at least an 85. If that's even the number we have to reach to make block. Or is that over with? Hard to keep up with these band geeks.

Blah

"Well I'm getting getting happier all the time, which is nice."
-Ringo Starr

Flight of Pegasus

To extrapolate further, we did fantastic on Saturday. It being my first competition, but not first time performing, I was completely psyched. I couldn't wait to get rid of the butterflies and shake that plume proudly. A fourteen inch plume, I might add. I only was out of step for the very very last bit of Kraken. Easily amendable, if it wasn't for our director giving us a whole new movement to memorise. Same song, different marching all together. We only have two more practises to make this perfect, out of the weeks we had to complete what we assumed was it. He might pull us out, but nothing is for sure. And even further than that, due to my week of absence, tests and assignments piled like a fjord. I had 6 to complete by Thursday, and have only gotten 3 done. The remaining 3 are for tomorrow. Sorry, EBV, school comes first. My nose seems to be running faster than I have lately, and the next season begins in 4 months. Go away, sickness!

Wrong

Legs crossed, ears shut, and arms stiff. A song buzzing through my head, like bees that ought to be busy elsewhere. As I should be. Working on the comb, crafting wax, pleasing the queen. I'm not sure what my job should be. The beat pulsating through my foot, incessantly tapping. I need to do something. But I've done everything in time, on schedule, what is there? My shoulders are aching when there's not even anything on them. The season is heating up when it's supposed to be cooling down. People are becoming bitter, when they're supposed to be growing softer. Will everything always be so skewed here?

Hybrid

"I want to be a robot with bullet-proof skin.
And a cold metal heart, that wont let love in.
With razors and lasers, and signs that say 'warning',
To charge all night long, and process in the morning."
-Molly Windman

Teenage years: 2

When someone calls you, you tend to answer, right? Or do you hesitate because you know exactly who it lurking on the other end, and you know what they want? It's a hard decision, in what seems to be so easy as picking up the phone. Sometimes it could be something as simple as a 'Hello!' or 'Namaste'. On the opposite end of the spectrum, it could be something devastating and heart-breaking. For instance, a first infatuation where the other partner seems to (for once) respond back in the same way you do unto them. Fascination, curiosity and ecstasy bubble up to the surface and never shy away from shining through your face as well as theirs. You can't always help how a parent will react, of course. 'They don't understand! They don't know what it's like, and never will! They hate me!' Are usual reactions. It's not fair, never has been and I'll bet it never will be. While I stray from using the word 'never', it seems painfully necessary in circumstances such as these. I love my chariots, and the precious ones I surround myself with, regretfully in reluctance at times, or otherwise. They're my core and my heart. Having no other nuclear family to turn to, they're all I have. Bearing to see them in distress is something I could not do. I love you, and you know who you are. Just keep going on, and be strong.

Faster

Strenuous. Nauseating. Orbital. Repetitive. Words I would use to describe this week so far... and I can't bear to believe it's only Tuesday. With work, I've really been doing a good job. Keeping up with everything in time and at last acknowledging what my priorities are, my grades are sure to get up. Especially seeing that as of now they're terrible. I'm quite determined to keep up my promise, though. Can't forget that band has contributed to a lot of this mess, too. Once switching into marching, my classes needed to be rearranged. Starting either tomorrow or the next day, this will take action. A bit nervous for that, of course. A more advanced class, more advanced music and people in my actual age group would sound lovely to most, I suppose. Two of my other classes, due to this change, must be switched as well. And we're already half-way through the first grading period. Crossing my fingers nothing bad will come out of my being late to these new courses. At least I'm mildly keeping track of the field and my running. As much as I can, anyway. And a game this Friday awaits us. Terrific.
This week needs to end. Now, please.

Brick by brick

Gravity Rides Everything - Lenka

F- seven

While I may look a bit crummy in this picture, it does hold a lot of meaning. My school's marching band has quickly become one of the biggest time consumers, friend-finders and awkward situation inducers in my entire scholastic life. Yet I just can't get enough. Last night was our first home game that I marched. To put it mildly, it was exhilarating. I love marching on the newly-placed astro turf. I love wearing the goofy plume. I love hearing people cheer. I love the secret pockets in our uniform. I love band. This season is going to be legendary.
Photos by Lissette Cohen

Blondie

I'm liking the way my hair fell today. Not to mention the totally hipster shirt along with it.

Yup.

Jesperson

-If you really love me, then let's make a vow. Right here, together, right now... Okay ?
Okay...
- All right, repeat after me... I'm gonna be free.
I'm gonna be free.
- And I'm gonna be brave...
I'm gonna be brave.
- Good... I'm gonna live each day as if it were my last.
Oh that's good...
- You like that ?
Yeah.
- Say it.
I'm gonna live each day as it were my last
- Fantastically,
Fantastically.
- Courageously,
Courageously.
- With grace...
With grace.
- And in the dark of the night ,and it does get dark, when I call a name...
When I call a name...
- It' ll be your name... What's your name ?
[no answer]
-Nevermind. Let's go, say it! Everywhere... even though we're scared. Because it's life, and it's happening. It's really really happening. Right now.

The 'ole grime

Back for another school year. Week one has passed and week two begins tomorrow. Sadly, I don't really have much to report. Not much worth sharing, anyhow. Though I'm fairly certain I'll have more to say this Friday. But of course, happy birthday MJ.

Goodbye, love.

I'll see you soon.

Summer skin

This is all I've been doing. Sitting outside and reading. Best summer ever. Today the weather is grumpy and gloomy, and has seemed to rub off on me! I woke up at 8.30 this morning and danced in my bathtub for an hour. I've picked up Pride Prejudice and Zombies, so I'll now have an easy distraction. New movements are now arriving at a faster and more comforting, steady pace. Seeing people come and go has been the main highlight of the season. I'm going to miss these kids. I've also come across two snakes that live in my backyard, so they now belong to me. One is Lancelot, and one is Lucifer. I'm awaiting the arrival of a 3rd so I may call it Lucile. Oh, and I went to the organic grocer yesterday, and couldn't find any cheddar bunny snacks for school. But I did buy some Licorice Allsorts because they were all out of Wine Gums. Oh Norfolk Manor products, how you humiliate me. Peaches have quickly become my select food of choice. All silliness aside, this summer has brought much to my attention. Though no matter what ever becomes of me, the butterflies will keep flying, the grass will keep growing and the toast will still be warm.

It happens...

I have a sister. She is my everything. I love her more than just about anyone on this entire planet. Truth is, though, she's not my blood. We met in the 1st grade at Emerson Elementary school, Utah. It was raining, and I was being a little lummox on one the monstrous hills that keeled over our playground. Naturally, I fell. Knowing no one in this new town, I stayed put on the stony ground and cried. Suddenly, a bony hand tapped me on the shoulder and proceeded to helped me up. Introductions took place as her tiny voice disclosed to me that we shared a class! I was astonished, relieved, and consoled. As they say, I suppose, "the rest was history." A full decade later, through the controversy, heartaches and general struggles of teen years, we are still in touch and close as ever. She remains to be the main component of why I continue to go on. I love you, C.

Chariots

My life is in the process of refurbishment, I suppose. I've been through this cycle time and time again, though. I ought to have figured out the chronology of it. Of course, I usually end up emerging from it with fond, staggering breaths of a heated heart. Awakening from this dream is what's going to be the hard part. The only things I take back with me are the ugly scratch marks that highlight my body. They are beginning to develop stories and adapt new looks. Caressed milky hills over a smooth freckled surface. Scars, you call them. And after while, I start to run into walls that I can't really see above or around. But there are always those who posses super-human abilities that fly, walk through, or break down those walls. I love those people a lot. An eager combination of elapsing time and faithful beloved remain to be all that restore me from the jeopardising plights I'm up against. Further fabrications of territories is bound to happen to the best of us, even if it's all that we rely on.

Places

Break - Three Days Grace

Tonight my head is spinning.
I need something to pick me up.
I've tried but nothing is working.
I won't stop, I won't say I've had enough.

Tonight I start the fire, tonight I break away.

04. 08. 2010

I've always liked to believe that there's a fine line between love and hate, genius and madness, good and evil. Out of those three, the pairs rarely meet a virtue. My recent escape had me thinking about a whole lot more than what I'm used to. The circumstances at hand and the fortune I've been granted never seem to matter any longer. I still don't think I'll ever be able to find utter solitude. I am physically alone more than I should be, I suppose, but I'm fine with that. What I haven't grown accustomed to are the sober shadows lurking behind my back. All intertwined with antiquated happenings and flooded wood floors. Things may never be the same, and things may always remain. Discovering what you're in control of seems to be the hard part.

Scratch marks

I'm too cautious about things. There was a storm late last night, and it drowned out all noise. Everything feels blue, violet and fluffy. I'm craving something shaped like a spiky sun, with maybe a black jewel in the centre. The birds and the bees down by the sea look at my while I drink my diet Pepsi.

St. Petersburg

I'm currently on vacation in one of the most lighting-prone beaches in Florida. Really lovely, though. Gives great opportunity to have shells and interesting critters wash up. It's my second day here, and I've been about as boring as a 15-year old can be. Only reading, writing, doing minimal swimming and taking more pictures than I should. Already being sunburned from my last beach trip, the shade has quickly become my best friend. At least it will turn me a slight tan colour.

Vero

For the next 3 days I'll be in Vero Beach. I've been to lots of other beaches, but never any on the Atlantic. Do they surf over there?


Wonderwall - Oasis

Exotic

So many new things have been happening lately. People are moving on with their lives, hearts are mending, breaking and mending again. Paths are being re-traced and futures are being shaped. Souls are being found, and feet do their jobs. Children will be missed, faces never seen. Feelings are uncovered, bare and raw. Open to the ashen atmosphere. But some things remain, and always will. The dead won't come back, and the living perish. Slippers stay fuzzy and warm. The bed will continue to be messy and un-made. Oath's aren't carried out, but traditions are. Music will thrive, and we will all dance. My environment has been shifting dramatically. My one last breath might as well reflect how it's all been.

Nodding to a wharf

There’s always been a tiny part of me that wanted to swim, not fly. Most people wish they could be birds. I suppose to “get away from it all” or something of that sort. It’s not so much that I want to get away, but escape. There are different ways of approaching this type of ordeal. The convoluted and diabolical way, or the easily-forgotten and pious way. Either are forms of lovely mush and droopy egregious lies.


The best part of holding up a gloppy form of prayer is that no one else will ever have to hear it. You can say or think or even feel what you’d like, alongside the reassurance that not one soul will drink a drop of it.


Those tiny Russian dolls really are quaint. Quaint reminds me of a quail. Quails remind me of periwinkle mothers, carrying along their tiny lavender-splashed young. Hopefully not around a gutter or ditch. Least we make a vile attempt to maintain all children in one piece.


I never quite looked at food as too much of a necessity, more of what’s expected. If there was any way that I could sustain a form of life with the absence of eating, I would. But I can’t, so enjoying this most elementary form of expression and self-illumination is one of the only members in my tiny club titled “Needy”.


The wonders of these worlds are lovely, they really are. They light up our memories, and keep our heads bouncing with kindled anticipation. Once arriving, only after plethoras of research pages have been gobbled and swallowed down your throat, disappointment settles in fatigued old bones, then continues on it’s way to some other form of gentle laughs and simple pleasure.





… <3

Currently

I can almost feel Summer coming to an end. Blah.

- I'd never wish for anyone to feel the way I do.
There's a thousand lines about the way you smile written in my mind.
Everyday feels like a Monday, and there's no escaping from the heartache. -

Hurdles

Swim - Jack's Mannequin



And I'm not giving in, I'll swim.

Anniversary

Moonwalking his way into glory, Michael Jackson firmly held the world in awe, intertwined between his bony, gloved fingers. He was a wonderful performer, and a jet-setting magician. The mystery of his untimely and unfair demise has yet to be resolved, but will forever remain a huge tragedy in the history of the past generation. As far as fans go, I was about a 6 on the 1-10 scale. Never-the-less, his death stirred a plethora of emotions. Resentment for his father, regret for the mocking, and all around melancholy for his children. He was something other-worldly to behold, and something that will never come again. We can only be humble, and hope for his children and family's well being and health through their strife and grief.
May he rest in peace.
August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009

It's good to not have a life.

Okay, I’ve been listening to “Eye of the Tiger” for almost 4 hours now, while talking to one person consecutively for almost 5.5 hours. I’ve eaten something around 10lbs in chocolatey food. Now I’m working my way on another 5lbs in cheap Mexican food. I’m beginning to set up a maplestory account, and if that doesn’t work, then I’ll have to spend the rest of my free time scanning the web for another mmorpg site to waste my life on. <3

Adjusting

I'm getting the hang of it all.

You know, the things that other people do that seem to affect you more than they really ever should. The things that are out of our control. Those are pretty much the same things you desperately wish you could control, but you know you couldn’t anyway. Then it still doesn’t really make you any happier to think about how you would attempt dealing with all of the extra weight of those things. Consistently pestering you, and always wanting something when there’s no more to give. Supplying you with plethoras of back-hand compliments which not-so-secretly express how they think you’ll never be good enough or amount to anything in your entire existence. Digressing onto David Hume’s theories of how none of us even exist anyway helps relax those feelings. Then thinking about Rene Descartes theory, “cogito ergo sum” (I think therefore I am) brings forth a whole new type of fear. Maybe the one that over-exercising all of your grey matter will either induce you to become larger than you should, whether it be internally or publicly, or end up sending you inside a spiralling abyss of delusion.

But what’s forever, anyway?

ود دودي

I never really thought I'd actually find a venue that would eternally symbolize change, fear, and heartbreak. But during the digression of this past year, I have discovered such a place. Where the walking dead keep walking, and the surrounding living laugh and act ornery in a desperate attempt to hide their known apprehension.
This type of foreboding mixture rested in the air, and induced me to wake up in tears early this morning. For a mundane reason at that, for I encountered those who needn't be around any longer, in a strife to find a certain type of peace within them.
Enigmatical words and stories were tossed around, filling our small atmosphere with a tension thick enough to penetrate with a knife. A tiny serving of nervousness gradually collected as the time elapsed with unnerving ease. A feeling of resentment, curiosity, and indecipherable agony sat like a rock in not only our guts, but our throats. Knowing at hand what was to be at stake, what was already sacrificed, and what never could be, we held our tongues firmly and departed.

The separate ways in which feeble existences carry us will forever remain to be a mystery. But not so perplexing are the people that you meet along the way.
They sustain a permanent prerogative in your heart and engrave many memories and love while still leaving wounds and footprints never to be erased.
Leaving much to be desired, and nothing to do, everybody's starry eyed.

September 2009 - 15th June 2010
...and forever more <3
Dodi Wad Nachabe.

What I've learned:

* everything anyone ever told me about secondary school was completely wrong
* not everything that happens has a reason
* people are unpredictable
* seniors are intimidating, not frightening
* absolutely nothing good can come from over-thinking things
* everyone does feel just like everyone else, but not at the same time
* if you find something behind a vending machine, leave it there
* letting go is the best remedy
* maintaining a routine doesn't work
* it's okay to like different things
* staircases and bathrooms are places of safety
* saying "hi" will not be the end of the world
* receiving weird text messages is not something to take seriously
* never try to expect things
* solitude isn't scary
* batteries save lives
* ... but coffee doesn't
* trying to look appealing is so 2007
* that air planes are shooting stars
* everyone starts somewhere

This beautiful thing

This is Geraldine Estelle Halliwell the 2nd.
She is my baby, ac yr wyf yn caru ei.
Mae hi'n dod o Gemeinhardt, yn pwyso am 0.7grams, ac wrth ei bodd diodydd calch.

I'm just hoping she helps me go a long way for auditions tomorrow! x

Teenage years: 1

I hate knowing what he did to you.

I hate knowing that I’m over 3762.646km (2,338mi) away.

I hate knowing that you’re crying at night because of his stupidity.

I hate knowing that we’re both so lost.

I hate knowing that we don’t know how this will all turn out.

I hate knowing that he tore you open and tossed salt in the wound.

I hate how bitter these tears I shed are.

I hate knowing that that no matter what, this will never be forgotten.

I hate knowing that this won’t be the last time.

I hate knowing that I can’t be there to hug you.

I'm falling to pieces

<3

Friend

Hello, Nikon D40.
Best. Present. Ever. <3